The abuser operates much like a hostage taker or a bank robber. When you see them you don't expect them to be evil people with dangerous actions in their minds. That's how they need to operate so they can do what they do. The difference is that the hostage taker or bank robber doesn't need to hide their truth for long. Once the abuser starts their reign of terror, they need to have their truth stay out of sight so they can continue to exist in the world they build for themselves and force their victim to exist in.
Even though an abuser thinks they're hiding what their terror and violence, they actually give clues and hints about what their truth is. When you know what to look for, you'll know when there's trouble. You'll also know when you need to step forward and help someone you care about escape this gutless, violent, spineless, evil, lying abuser.
How To Tell If Someone Is An Abuser
He hits her in front of you
He makes physical contact with her, like a wrestling move, and says he's just trying to be cute
He verbally abuses her but says he's only trying to be helpful
He verbally humiliates her but says he's only joking around
He says she's a rotten mother
He yells at her in public
He accuses her of sleeping around on him
He's in charge of all the money and financial decisions
He says things would be better if she would act right
He makes it difficult or impossible to be alone with her
He makes himself the focus of all relationship conversations
He blames others for what goes wrong in his life
He doesn't like pets or is outright cruel to pets
He on occasion shows a duel personality especially in a stressful situation
He talks about being abused when younger or growing up around violence
He instructs her how to dress and may even buy her clothes for her
He drinks to excess
He has an affair but blames it on her
The abuser doesn't think much of himself. That's why he does what he does. He considers it two wins. He wins by taking, dominating and controlling his target. He also wins by fooling you.
That's why this information is so important. If you can learn the signs of an abuser, you can create a pair of wins. You'll win by revealing the abuser for what he is. You'll also win by saving the abused woman's life.
